Transcript:BADSIDE MANNER
five sound Jack: Top of the mornin' to ya laddies! My name is Jacksepticeye, and welcome to Helping Hand! We're in for a treat if the f***ing main menu is something to go by. It's just a bunch of things going on. So, this is a game where you've been in a horrific accident and you only have the use of your hand, it's gonna be in like a cast and I have to base my narrative decisions based on hand gestures. So I get like heavy metal, I think I get a 'f*** you', I think I get an 'Okay', I think I get a peace, I dunno yet. Um, okay let's read the instructions. Okay, so it's like a Surgeon Simulator type of thing where I have hands on buttons, Oookay. 'Key hand gestures. Use these to communicate with people.' Okay, this is gonna be fun, I think it's gonna be fun laughs. Okay, let's play. Doctor: Oh good, you're awake. Jack: I sure am buddy. Doctor: We were worried about you. Jack: Dude, when-when the car accident's just right, you know what I mean? Doctor: You've been in an accident, but you're okay now. Well I mean you're alive. Jack: That is okie-dokie by Jack. Doctor: This might be hard for you to hear. But almost every part of your body is broken. Jack: Except for good ol' lefty. Doctor: Your toes? Broken. Your fingernails? Broken. Jack: The lady in the salon's gonna be really upset. Doctor: The muscles in your mouth? Broken. Unfortunately, you can only communicate with your left hand. Jack: Good ol' lefty! Never f***ing let me down. Doctor: Anyway, how are you feeling? Jack: Er... peace? I am feeling victorious. Doctor: Hmm, maybe the morphine has gone to your head a bit. That's okay, we'll let you sleep it off. Jack: Okie-dokie by me. Doctor: For now, if you ever need to communicate with us, just use your hand. Jack: Okay laughs Doctor: I think it's time to introduce you to the nurse. Jack: Yeah, f*** you doctor! Doctor: Barbara, he's ready for you! Jack: Is it time for my sponge bath? Barbara: WHAT?! Doctor: I said he's ready for you! Jack: F***ing Barbara! Barbara: Oh. Jack: Wassup Barbara girl? Dude, you and me are gonna f***ing heavy metal. Barbara: Another s****y job for the oldest nurse in the building. Jack: Hey. Barbara: Why do I always get the gross ones? Jack: F*** you, Barbara. Barbara: Oh God, look at you. You're disgusting. Jack: How dare - f*** you. Barbara: You better watch it you little punk! Just because you're a - f***. Doctor: Now now nurse. Jack: Oh that's it Barbara middle finger gesture Doctor: Let's try to be as sympathetic as we can. Jack: Grrr, I wanna grab your face Barbara. I wanna grab it and point it up there! Barbara: You're a little a**hole. Jack: Hey! Barbara: I'm going for a smoke. Jack: Can't smoke in a hospital. Doctor: Haha oh never mind nurse Barbara. Jack: Yeah, a bye bye now, a bye bye. Doctor: She can be a little cranky. She will be in charge of taking care of you every day. Jack: Oh joys. Doctor: She will check your vitals and clean your - catheter? Try to be as nice as you can. Jack: Um, got it. Heavy metal dog. Doctor: Oh! And one more thing. If you ever needed - Jack: Ah, s*** stop going so fast! Doctpr: Careful though, try not to bother her too much. She might not come back if you call her too often. Jack: I dunno what it said. How do I - um. 'Dis little piggie went to market, 'dis little piggie. laughs The whole like, "I'm just gonna go now, bye." 'Dis little piggie went to the market, 'dis little piggie stayed at home, 'dis little piggie - oh, hey! Woman: My poor baby. You look like you're in so much pain! Jack: Oh yeah. Woman: What happened to you? Jack: Ahh, I went up and then pinky finger broke, and then heavy metal! Woman: Your father wishes he could be here. But you know him, always in a meeting. Jack: That's my daddy. Woman: He sends his love to you though. Jack: Thanks papa. I would kiss you, but you know, broke and everything. S***, I'm missing dialogue. Woman: The doctor hasn't been around today. Jack: He was just there. Woman: I'm sure he is busy with other patients. Jack: He was just there! Woman: Cindy messaged me to ask about you. Jack: Good I love Cindy. I told her I haven't had the chance to see her yet. Cindy, the sister. Woman: She was so shocked that I didn't come straight away. But what was I supposed to do? Jack: Come straight away. Woman: I mean it's not like I could have just walked in. Jack: Yeah you could. Woman: And whilst they were doing their emergency operation. Jack: Dude, I was okie-dokie. Woman: Or whatever it's called. Jack: I was rocking the s*** out of that surgery. Er, what else can I do? What else is there? Oh there we go. Oh thumbs down! Can we do a thumbs up? Look at my thumb! Woman: What has gotten into you?! Jack: Err, morphine. Woman: Don't you know how I drove - and this is how you treat me? Jack: Oh, oh, F*** YOU! Woman: Well, I've never! Jack: I was the one who was in an accident! Woman: How could you be so rude to your own mother? Jack: Oh, your my Mom. Mother: What is the matter with you? All I wanted was to see if my baby was okay. Jack: Yeah, and then you came in and said I wasn't treating you well. Mother: And this is how I am treated? With this disgusting behaviour? What do you have to say for yourself? Jack: OK gesture Perfect. Mother: I'm not sure what you're trying to say. But I really don't like the way you've been acting. Maybe I should come back a bit later when the morphine has worn off. Jack: Yeah, a bye bye now. Mother: Bye. Jack: Can I wave? Peace out homie laughs this game is fun. It's so simplistic but it's so funny. Ahhh, if only I can scratch my balls right down there - no, not up there. My balls are down there. Beep. Beep, beep - nurse. NURSE! I HAVE AN ITCH! NURSE, BRING THE BIG SPOON! There you are. What's up Barbara? Barbara: What is it? Jack: I have an itch down here. You think you can scratch my nether regions. Do you think that'd be okay? Perfect? Down there. laughs Barbara: I don't want to have to look after you the whole day. I have better things to do. Jack: That's cool, take a selfie? Barbara: Peace? Jack: Yes, because I was bad to you before. Barbara: What? Are you one of those dirty little hippies? Jack: You sound like Cartman. Barbara: Would explain the poor hygiene. Jack: That's your fault. Barbara: I'll empty your catheter and fill your drip. Jack: Your the one who's supposed to be cleaning me every day. Barbara: If you don't need me, don't call me again. Jack: Perfect, f*** you. A bye bye chuckles. So dumb, yay she emptied it. Okay. I don't know how long this goes on for if it just keeps looping or something. Man I'm gonna count my fingers - one, two, three, four, five. Five fingers. NURSE! NUUURSE! I have an itch again. Down here again. Barbara: What? Jack: thumbs down gesture while blowing raspberry Barbara: There's nothing wrong with you, you little twerp. I've just checked on you. Jack: Because I missed your face. Barbara: Leave me alone. Jack: laughs She's not replying to anything anymore, come on. I'm gonna wave with my pinky, bye bye, bye bye. I'm gonna call her again. I'm gonna call - she's gonna come around. See, when everyone meets Jack first they're all like 'hmm, he's a little loud, he's a little over the top.' Maybe after you get to know me for a while I'm lovely. NURSE! NURSE BARBARA! I has an itch. Oh God it's the Priest, he's here to read me my last rights. Oh s***, Father bless me. Bless me with the power of Adamou. Pastor Daniel: The doctor will let me speak to you. So I will try to interpret your signs as I can. Jack: Okay peace be upon you, Pastor Daniel. Pastor Daniel: I am here today to help you through your pain and torment. With the power of prayer. Jack: Okay. Pastor Daniel: For there is nothing. That our lord and saviour, ChewBoiye - We can pray for as long as you find comfort in his light. Would you like to join me now, as we pray to the holy Father? Jack: No, no. Pastor Daniel: Oh come along now child. Jack: Who the f*** is ChewBoiye? Is it Chewbacca? Pastor Daniel: I know that you must be in pain. Jack: Pray to our Lord Wookie noise Pastor Daniel: Close your eyes and let's begin our prayer. Jack: Okay, okay, I'm imagining I'm grabbing his fur. Okay pinky up. Right, okay, let us pray - no, how do I pray? How-how do I - the devil! The devil's music. Pastor Daniel: Don't be so negative. Jack: I'm not. I'm being a nice boy. Pastor Daniel: You'd best stop that behaviour immediately. Jack: I can't, it's all I can do. Pastor Daniel: I promise that you will regret it if you don't stop. Jack: Perfect, okay okay, I'll listen to you. Pastor Daniel: Child, I am sorry. I think I have made a mistake. Perhaps I should come back at a later stage. Jack: That'll be great. Pastor Daniel: Yes, when you are ready to pray to our Lord and Savior. I hope you have a speedy recovery. Jack: Thanks Father, thanks, a toodles, toodles. Bye now. I like how everyone justs - laughs It's so f***ing stupid. My catheter is filling up, so while the doctor - the Priest was here, I was p***ing myself. PSML bro! Oh God, I need to clip my fingernails, oh no, he said they broke off so I don't need them anymore. That manicure I got last week though cost a fortune, I'm so upset. Who's this? Oh, it's slack-jaw Tom! Man: Phew. Jack: Ha, is this my dad? Man: Okay, here goes nothing. Hey there, kiddo. You probably don't remember me. I've come to apologize to you - Jack: Did you put me in this hospital? Jeff: My name's Jeff. Jack: Ma nama' Jeff chuckles Jeff: I am the truck driver that got you here. Jack: inhales Jeff: We had a really terrible accident. Jack: I f***ing knew it! Knew it, nurse! NUUURSE! Oh I'll f***ing strangle - Jeff: There was this cat you see. She ran across the road and I had to swerve. Jack: Did you? Did you now? Jeff: I didn't want to hit her. Jack: Okay, that's rock 'n' roll, that's rock 'n' roll of you. Yeah! Jeff: All right, phew. I am so relieved. Jack: Me too, buddy. I got something in my eye oh. Jeff: You're such a champion - Jack: Oh can you get it out for me? There's something in my eye! Ask me something again. Jeff: I thought I was gonna walk in here. And you were going to want to kill me. Jack: Well - Jeff: Oh come on now don't be like that. You're just in a hospital. Look, I'm here to face you and my guilt - Jack: Well there's also a court. Jeff: To tell you that I'm sorry for everything that's happened. How was I supposed to know the kitty was gonna jump out like that - Jack: Well f*** you. If there was another car on the side of the road and you would swerve, you should've known - Jeff: You disrespectful little cripple! I have had enough of this! Jack: Get over here. I may only have one hand but all of my will and strength is going to want to squeeze the f***ing life out of you! from heart monitor get faster Jack: I died?! Did he kill me?! "You angered Jeff and as a result he killed you in a blind rage." I guess that's it. up hands I guess it's my fault that I ended up in the hospital, huh? With the f***ing one good arm, Jesus Christ. He was going down the thing - I understand sometimes you have to swerve to avoid a thing but if your in a truck and a cat comes out and there's oncoming traffic, you don't swerve! The poor little cat, I feel for it man. But here I am f***ing dead! Now you almost killed two things; maybe you killed the cat anyway? You could've swerved and hit him anyway and now you kill me. Just Jack. Just lying in my hospital bed, I don't even know middle finger gesture how this thing worked. I'm not in control of this, this means f*** off double middle finger gestures yeah Rick told me this means peace among worlds. Son of a b****! F***ing Jeff. Knew I shouldn't have trusted a meme. I miss Barbara. Do you guys miss Barbara? Well that does it for this video of Helping Hand. chuckles I forgot the name of the game there for a second. I was too caught up in my finger - man that was the best fun. For something as simple as it was. We've played games like this before like Surgeon Sim and Baking Sim and all that where you have to control your hand, Amputea and other games that do things like that. I haven't played Amputea on the channel but I remember other people playing it... Um, to see something - such a simple little concept to turn it into something like that was a really cool idea. I love that. It would be cool if we had a bit more to it - I don't know how you expand upon that but I really enjoyed that for something that it was. I'll leave a link in the description for you guys to go off and play it as I always do with every game so maybe you guys can get a better outcome. Just lived and died the way I loved, sticking up my fingers at Jeff. But anyway thank you guys so much for watching this video. If you liked it, punch that like button in the face, like a boss! And, high fives all round! Wapoosh! Wapoosh! But thank you guys, and I will see all you dudes, in the next videooo! music plays Jack: Hi, I have a great feeling about this. I can't draw a straight line, now that's good. Now you're never getting out - Balls for days! We all got balls, that's my one get your own! music stops Jack: Seriously, there's something in both my eyes now. F*** you Jeff! Category:Helping Hand Category:Transcripts